be kind. be selfish.

charting a course for meaningful new year's resolutions

When I came out to my mom, her response was devastating—an email layered with more drama than a lifetime movie. But one line stayed with me: I gave you life and health, but I can’t tell you what to do with it.

She was right.

Every January, we’re flooded with reminders to ‘be better,’ ‘refresh,’ and ‘do more.’ But what if growth isn’t about starting fresh? What if it’s about being intentional with who we already are?

I used to set resolutions that revolved around external achievements—gaining muscle, getting ahead at work, or trying to check off arbitrary boxes that achieved external validation from what society made me feel like I needed to be or do. But the more I leaned into the lessons of curiosity and self-reflection I taught my students, the more I realized growth isn’t about improving myself with external things, but being authentic to the parts of me that I had been neglecting or hiding.

I needed to be selfish.

The things I already had, and needed to be more intentional with, were being suppressed because of how I thought others would perceive me. Life is too short to live for others. We need to embrace a kind of selfishness that honors our boundaries—not the kind that comes at someone else’s expense, but the kind that lets us prioritize our own well-being.

Growing up hiding any sign of queerness instilled a habit of putting the feelings and expectations of others before my own, and it has taken most of my life to break a habit that has never served my own self interests. And to think I was living my life for acceptance from people that were passing on their own insecurities - whose approval I couldn’t gain, unless I fulfilled their narrative of how my life should be.

Self worth or realization doesn’t have to be at the expense of others, and it certainly won’t be worth it if it’s for someone other than you.

My intentions for every year are to be curious, authentic, kind, and a bit more selfish than the year before. Not a benchmark I need to meet. But living in the moment, supporting others, and uncovering more of what my mom so rightly said she could not give me.

The best resolutions aren’t loud or flashy. They’re quiet promises we make to ourselves—small shifts that remind us of our power to grow, connect, and inspire. This year, I commit to those small, yet crucial shifts that allow us to become a little bit more of ourselves each day.

Less things, more memories.

Less judgement, more encouragement.

Less self doubt, more authenticity.

Be kind. Be vulnerable. Be selfish.

Here’s to 2025.